Looking back

It has been a year since I discovered that I was pregnant with you. It’s incredible to think that a year ago you were the size of an apple pip (we called you Pip for the first few months as the nickname stuck). I’ve been looking back at the journal I kept, remembering those weeks when it was too early to talk to anyone about it. When I hugged the knowledge to myself, wrapped up in such joy that you existed. ‘I try not to think too much about it and end up thinking about nothing else… And when my thoughts start to run away with me, I try not to worry and find myself murmuring to Pip. Whether the words of reassurance are for me or for Pip, I’m not sure’.

What was known

now unravelled

into the unknown.

I own

that which is growing inside

but know it not at all.

The familiar transformed

into something so alien –

this miracle so small,

for which my heart and soul sing,

taking over completely.

My body asks me to trust

and go along with it

like it’s always known just what to do

and has waited to begin.

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